– Hello I’m Adrienne and this Xoxo Cooks, and I have a very special guest today.
– Hey everyone!- Katie Q! – I’m Katie Q, nice to meet you.
– She has a great YouTube channel, we’ve collab’d before,which maybe you’ve seen.
– So much fun, lovecollab’ing with this girl.
– [Adrienne] We’re gonnajust make some heart-shaped tea sandwiches, because– – Well we’re talkingabout love and marriage.
– Ahh, well an as a married person I have a lot of things to say about weddings.
– And as an engagedperson soon to be married, I have a lot of things Iwant to hear so it’s perfect.
– So today we’re gonnatalk about wedding stuff, and this is kind of my advice for people when they get engaged, when I care about themand I wanna help them, and so if you are planning a wedding, or if you know anybodywho is planning a wedding which is like, you probablyknow someone planning a wedding– – If you’re in a certain age bracket, you probably know someoneplanning a wedding.
– So hopefully some of thesetips will be helpful for you.
– [Adrienne] So my first piece of advice, which actually kind of trumpsall of the other advice, so if you only take one piece of advice, if it’s the only one- – Okay.
– Don’t listen to what anybody says.
– Haha, so does that meanthat I shouldn’t listen to anything else you sayafter this piece of advice? – Kind of.
I’m advising you toonly take what you want from what i’m saying, ’cause ultimately it’s totally your day, and your partners day, and so like, we all have opinions, and some people have somevery strong opinions, but don’t do it, do what you want.
– Here’s the thing, it’s more complicated thanjust doing what you want, because so many peoplehave other opinions, and so many of those people,I kind of have to listen to, they’re like family- – Well, like you listento a certain amount of it, because the people whohave this advice for you, are telling you these thingsbecause they care about you, and they want you to have a great wedding, and they mean the best, but, they love you anyway, so like if you don’ttake all of their advice, it’s still gonna be fine andthey’re still gonna love you, and you’re still gonna be married.
– The most important thing isthat we’re getting married.
– Yeah, that goes into mynext one, which is like, this is not the greatest day of your life.
People are just like, the wedding should bethe most wonderful day of my entire life.
– Hashtag fairytale.
– Exactly, and I don’t think it should be, and if it is, your life is not very good.
The wedding is just the first day, so it’s not that big of a deal.
– There are so many thingsto choose from and even if, you know, no one has aparticularly strong opinion about it, wedding favors,and it’s like we’re kinda trying to decide, shouldwe even do wedding favors? We’re already spendinga butt load of money on everything else.
– My inclination, and thisis totally just my opinion, so don’t listen if youdon’t want to, but like, with that kind of stuff,I say don’t do it, like I didn’t do any of that stuff, and so just from, I’vebeen married for six years, and I have the cutest husband- – Woo! – And we’re happy in life, andwe didn’t have wedding favors and no one in my life is like, oof, remember when you didn’thave wedding favors? And like, you didn’t havea meal at your wedding? And you made us pay for our drinks after the first two hours? Like, no one remembers that and I shouldn’t remindthem on YouTube, haha.
– They’re all gonna be like, note to self.
– But like, no one cares, not serving food is like a huge no-no, we didn’t do it- – I’m kind of surprised.
So what lead you to that decision? – Well, I was even morefrugal then than I am now, like I was obsessively tryingto keep the costs down then- – Which is very difficult, because can I just say thesecond you stick the word wedding in front of anything, likerentals, any kind of event, anything, I mean I swearit doubles in price.
– Definitely, and that’swhat’s frustrating, and I was very against all of that just from the very beginning.
– But just thinking it through,food costs so much money, so for me we had only 60people, but 60 people times, however much per plate, tensof thousands of dollars, so for us our biggestexpense was still drinks, we only had open bar for two hours, and we had only beerand wine, no cocktails, and it was like $25 aperson, so that was like, I don’t know I can’t dothe math that quickly, but several thousand dollars- – A lot of money, yeah.
– And that’s no food, and so we had a ceremony inthe morning and then we said, go get some lunch, and thencome to the party after, and it was fine.
– Nice! – No one remembers! – I don’t know how much these people know about your wedding day, I know about it but will you tell me again about the Central Park amazing-ness? – So what we did was we hadthe ceremony in Central Park, and to do that is only $25, and their website youwould never know that because if you type inwedding central park, they take you to thelanding page that’s like, our prices start at $3000 a day, and we’ll cover all the flowers and you get to be in the garden, and it’s the best thing ever, but if you wanna just be in Central Park, you can get a permit for $25.
The trade off, we didn’t have chairs, you’re not allowed to put chairs down, so it was just like everyone was standing, in rows, and my friendwho was playing guitar had his little stool,like breaking the rules, and that was it, I had a friendarrange everybody into rows, and so it felt like a littlearea that was organized, but we all just stood, ’cause it takes like 10 minutes, our ceremony was very short.
– [Katie] Yeah.
That is ridiculous, I can’t, I mean I’m actually gettinga headache right now, thinking about how muchwe’re spending on our venue.
We’re getting marriedup in Hudson, New York, which is- – [Both] Beautiful! – And we thought we were being so clever, like getting out of the big city, and like oh it’ll be cheaper up there.
No, like hello- – They’re like oh bring yourNew York City weddings here.
– Are we’re not the only New Yorkers to have ever had this idea, so New Yorkers are their clientele.
– That’s who they’re used to working with, and the prices reflect that, so we’re like ah- – But like no judgement,I mean ultimately, you don’t have to spend a lot of money, but you should spendthe money on the things that are important toyou, and your partner, and so if having that beautifulvenue is meaningful to you, spend the money on it, andlike, it’s gonna be wonderful.
– Connor and I are having alot of fun with the planning, and because really weget to think of like, what’s the coolest party we want to throw? – Exactly.
– And like let’s make it happen, so it is fun, and I thinkmy challenge is just trying to not let those little stressful bits, which we’ve just talked about, to not give them much credit.
– So now we’re just gonna puta little butter on our bread.
– [Katie] Okay.
– And I like to make homemade bread, but when you’re making tea sandwiches, store bought bread that’sjust like perfectly cut and smooth and doesn’t haveholes and chunks coming out, is a lot nicer.
– Yeah I see that.
Someone told me that there’sa point that you should decide you don’t care, because obviously you can’t notcare from the very beginning otherwise nothing will get done.
– Or you know it won’t get done well, and so it’s like care, up to a point, and then, let it go, so whatwould you say to that point is? – Well and I think theway I would think about it is just like, have the long term vision, like what is actuallythe point of this day? The point of this day is for you to get infront of peoplewho are like the people you care most about in the world, who are the people whohold you accountable, for good things and for bad things, and like these are justthe people who support you in your life, and you’re standing infront of those people who you really care about to say, I’m committing to doingthis very difficult thing with this person that I really love, because getting married ishard, like being married, I think a lot of my problem with some of this weddingstuff too is just like, set up your beautifulperfect life together, and you’re king and queen andeverything’s gonna be glitter, ’cause you’re in love.
– That’s just setting you upfor needing couples therapy- – Which is also you shouldhave couples therapy anyway – Which is also great, yeah! – That’s a realisticpart of being married, if you’re in front of thesepeople that you’re like, alright, we’re doing this, like we know this is gonna be difficult, and we’re gonna not likeeach other for many years of the future, but like, we arecommitting to work together and you guys need to hold us accountable.
– Mmm hmm.
– So if that’s actually the goal, when you’re crying aboutflowers, which happens, like it gets stressful.
– Yeah I’m sure emotions run high.
– You can be like, okay,in the future of my life, with like being happy withConnor, will this matter? And like, maybe, I don’t knowif that’s actually gonna help ’cause in that moment you’relike, but flowers do matter- – Yeah, everything matters! – But it just doesn’t matter.
– And everything is gonna be good enough and you’ll be happy in yourlife regardless what happens.
– [Adrienne] Okay, let’s putsome cucumbers on these things.
– [Katie] Okay let’s put some cuc’s on.
– [Adrienne] I haven’t madeany tea sandwiches lately, have you made them? – [Katie] I don’t think I’ve ever actually made tea sandwiches.
– It just feels like a picnic, so in the winter timeespecially I just like it.
This is super simple, thisis just butter and cucumbers, ’cause butter on bread is just so great.
– It really is.
– You don’t have to overdo it.
So I have these cookie cutters,that my dad sent to me.
While you’re making this for your beloved, you can just eat the sides, you just get to eat the scraps while you make them abeautiful love-filled lunch, that’s what marriage is Katie.
– That’s what it all comes down to! Let’s try.
– [Adrienne] Ooh, it sounds good.
– [Katie] Yeah you hada good crunchy sound.
It worked! – Yay! – Oh my god it’s so cute.
– If you guys have cookiecutters that you’re not using, just put em in your sandwiches.
– Speaking of people havingopinions about things, I was having out with afriend of mine recently, who is a mother, she has two young kids- – That’s a whole otherworld of people judging you.
– Yes, and it is really intense, we were actually standing on the sidewalk, we had just gotten some food and we were standing and chatting, and a woman came up to her and was like, put a hat on that babies head.
– [Adrienne] Whoa.
– Yeah, and she waslike, he’s plenty warm, like trust me, and like shehad a blanket over his head, but just not like a hat- – So I think a wedding islike your first exposure to the brutal world of otherpeople telling you what to do, where it’s like you and your partner have to just decide what youguys want and just do it, get your armor on, andfight the rest of the world, and live what you wanna do, ’cause that’s gonna bethe rest of your marriage, you have to just do it.
– Yeah, we will learnthose lessons, I like that, I like that, I think there’sa lot of truth to that.
– So yeah those arebasically all of my tips, and the first one is the onlyone you really need to know, don’t listen to anybody (laughs).
– This is great, I love this,thank you for your tips– – No problem.
– I’m really excited for the wedding and I think that everythingyou said, I really agree with, and I think it’s all gonna be great.
– ‘Cause it should be fun, that’s what frustrates me too with like, I’m trying to wrap this upbut I have so many ideas, so many people are like ohthank god the wedding‘s over, and now we can go onthe honeymoon and like, don’t plan an eventthat you’re gonna dread.
– Yeah that shouldn’t be what happens.
– It’s supposed to befun, look forward to it, and enjoy and enjoy the goodand bad, it’s gonna be great.
– Oh yay, it will begreat, thanks Adrienne! – Well thanks for collaborating with me, you wanna test these out? – Yeah I would love to test them.
– I’m sure they’re gonna be good, cheers.
– How could they not be? Cheers.
– To happy weddings! – Uh huh.
– This is fun, it’s more funwhen it’s a heart isn’t it? – It’s so great, I love it.
– Well thank you guys for watching, we’re making pretzels on Katie’s channel- – Yay! – Here’s a link to that, andit’s gonna be pretty intense.
– Do you get it, by the way, ’cause Connor and I are tying the knot? – That’s so cute.
– So we’re making pretzels.
– And it’s good for valentines, we just have love flowing right now so.
– It’s all about the love.
– So yeah, we’ll see youin that one, go watch it.